New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What drink are we having for lunch?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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