I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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