He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
