The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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