My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
