im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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