he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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