Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
