I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
