i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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