i permit you to call me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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