Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
