Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
