You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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