that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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