how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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