Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
