How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
