You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
