I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
