we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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