hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
