Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
