Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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