I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
