Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
