I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
