i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
