She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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