I'm so fucking centered right now
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
