The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
