I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
