Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
