if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
