I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
