Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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