Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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