god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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