I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
