so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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