Who did Billy Mays play for?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
