I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
