I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
