he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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