Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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