thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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