I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
