Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
