She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
