i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
