Midget sex pt 2 tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
